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A Recipe For Disaster – Transformation Without Integration

I write, sitting in the sunshine, loving the feel of warmth and spring in the air. I feel change happening all around me and within me.

It is a time of shedding the layers and preparing to rebirth.

Winter can be likened to the hibernation period of cave man times. It feels like many people have been taken into the darkness of the cave and had to sit in their darkness over the last little while, particularly the last three weeks.

Sometimes when we emerge from that transformational cave at the end of a long dark winter, where we have shed so much of ourselves, our old stories, old pain, old programs and old emotions, we come out the other side somewhat depleted. It takes time and space to integrate those big changes.

In today’s world, we rarely give ourselves the time or space to integrate changes.

I was having a discussion on the weekend with my mum and sister about the mothering experience and how it has changed over the years, from the time my mother birthed us to us birthing our own children. Sadly, I feel, these days women do not give themselves the time and space to integrate the huge change that occurs physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually that occurs when we transition into motherhood.

Societal expectations around what new mothers should do, has deeply programmed so many of us. I realised that I was wearing almost as a badge of honour that I was ‘back to normal’ cleaning a house, doing grocery shopping, cooking, running around to activities within 2 weeks of having my little man. Four pregnancies, one miscarriage and three Caesarean births in under four years, and I still didn’t give my physical body, let alone my mental, emotional and spiritual body, the time nor space that I needed to integrate the huge changes that I had experienced.

Nope, just get on with getting on!

Isn’t that what we are told to do these days? No time for rest, not only do you have to be back to normal ASAP, you have to have that bikini body ready to go within weeks too!

Seriously how far have we taken things!

Becoming a mother is a sacred experience. And like most sacred transformational experiences in life, we have bastardised it. We have lost the sacredness of not the birth as such, but the transition into motherhood. Once upon a time, and it wasn’t that long ago, women were given the time and space to move into this new form. This new person. Integrate the deeply profound changes that are activated when transitioning into motherhood.

Once, there was a village that supported the mother. Who allowed her the time and space needed to replenish to integrate and to fully transition from one state of being to another. And here is where I see we are making huge mistakes as we transform. Societal expectations have changed so much that we do not allow ourselves what we need to integrate our changes.

We head back to work when we are sick before our body has finished healing.

The loose ends left untied.

We jump back into life after having a baby before our body, mind and spirit has settled into becoming a mother.

The loose ends untied.

We jump deeply into personal growth and healing work and jump straight back into life after a treatment; yoga session; meditation before the integration has had time to settle

And when the loose ends are not tied, they can be pulled. And you can quickly get pulled out of the new version of you, back into the old version of you.

And where are you then?

You are neither here nor there – and that feels really uncomfortable!

If you don’t allow yourself the time to metaphorically settle into your new home, the place where your inner being exists, then you will never feel completely settled here. You will continue to get pulled into there ie. where you used to be.

When we move house, whilst somewhat challenging and exhausting, we create the time and space, to completely move house. You don’t leave some things here and some things there if you want to make a clean break. Start afresh. Create a new life. Truth be told some people don’t make that clean break, for example when people move out of their parents’ home or when people move from the family home during a separation. When this happens, their energy is not settled in either place, as part of their energy remains in that space.

It just doesn’t make sense to leave remnants of your wardrobe in the place that you have moved on from, or are trying to move on from, because then you will just have to keep going back to that old home. Where you used to be. Who you used to be.

Taking that extra time and creating that extra space to complete the transition and the transformation of your energy from one to another is vital in tying off those loose ends and cementing in the changes.

Every client I work with has work to do following their session and this work is equally if not more important than the session itself. Because it is in this time that the integration of the changes takes place. And sometimes this requires specific things to be done to cement these changes. Simply coming in for a treatment, taking a ‘hit’ of energy so to speak and not committing the time or space to the next part of the transformation, is wasteful.

The changes won’t hold.

You will regress to your old patterns and behaviours.

You have to do your work.

And to do your work, you have to honour the experience, by creating the time and space to do whatever it takes to cement yourself into the new version of YOU.

I didn’t honour the experience of becoming a mother the second and third time. I absolutely did with my first baby. I relished the bubble that I was in, basically because I wasn’t working after almost a decade of intense full time work. And I felt I had permission to be in the bubble. No one had any other expectation of me, and if they did, I didn’t allow myself to hear it.

And that still feels like the happiest, freest and easiest year of my life.

Sadly I didn’t take that into my next phases of motherhood. I have previously written about my challenges here. And as a result of that, there were a lot of loose ends left hanging, that saw me constantly pulled back into old programs, beliefs and way to many shoulds, dictated to me by fear programs. My long and somewhat turbulent relationship with fear was previously dissected here.

But I have learnt from these experiences and I choose to share my learnings with others.

And what I am seeing at the moment, is lots of people coming out of periods of big change.  The last couple of weeks have been particularly transformational. Yet, I am seeing and sensing so many people coming out the other side of these changes, weary and depleted by the experience and yet not allowing themselves to do what is needed to replenish, integrate and cement in the deep energetic reprogramming that has occurred.

I urge you to listen to your body, listen to your heart, listen to the wisdom that exists within you, and as you move through your changes, as you transform into YOU, give your SELF whatever it asks to complete your transformation.

Riding the wave of change is one thing, whether you hold on and ride it through to the end and tie up those loose ends is another!

Transform Your Days In Three Simple Ways

Are you sick of how your days are panning out?

Do they feel like your hitting repeat?

Are you cycling into the same negative patterns every day?

And you just don’t know how to break the pattern to see your day look and feel different.

I work with people every day in assisting them to transform their days, their lives, their whole self, to become the person that they desire to be and to live the life that they desire to live. As the energy changes, with emotional energy blocks being released and new emotions and energy patterns being laid down, a deep soul healing and transformation occurs.

How can you start your own transformation of your day, of your life, of your SELF?

You’ve already begun, by being open and ready enough to be reading about transformation – your intention has been set and you are being guided down a path….reading this is part of it, perhaps a little starting point.

I’m going to share with you the simplest ways to create change in your day. But before you read on, I must share with you the key to transformation. There’s no point having the treasure chest without the key, right?

So here’s the thing, to transform, to create change you have to practice every day.

This takes commitment and it takes courage.

The baby doesn’t just stand up and start walking one day. She rolls, she creeps, she shuffles, she crawls, she glides around holding furniture, she stands and wobbles and falls. But she gets up again and keeps practicing until she finally takes that first step, and then the next, and the next. And then suddenly it just becomes innate – and she can’t remember how not to be this way.

This is transformation in its purest form. And the key, is practice. Practice, practice, practice until mastery is achieved.

And this is where most, in their endeavour to change fall over. They stop practicing. They aren’t truly committed to changing. They become frustrated that its not happening fast enough. They feel like a failure every time they fall over. They quit before the changes get a chance to truly reveal themselves.

The quadriplegic learning to walk again doesn’t just quit, even though the road is long, painful and for so long without reward. Those neural pathways must be laid down, defined and refined and worked over and over and over again.

The transformation will always happen. If you do your work and trust in the process.

Start simply. Start here. Start today.

1. Offer Gratitude

So simple, yet so incredible powerful is gratitude. In being increasingly present with the moments of your day that contribute to your life, and seeing the blessings in each moment, brings your being into an amazing energetic state. In the offering of gratitude for the gifts of our lives, from the simple to the grander, we are connected with the Divine energy of the Universe. We reconnect to THE energy that holds us, that guides us, that transforms us. And simply taking moments regularly throughout the day, to remember your blessings and to feel gratitude deep within your body, reconnects you, in that moment, to the Universal energy.

And your intention to change, combined with your commitment to changing through doing your work, sets in motion the winds of change.

2. Smell The Flowers

Yep, you’ve heard it before, but how often do you actually do it? Metaphorically or literally stopping to smell the flowers is another simple yet powerful way to connect with the present moment and reconnect to the Divine energy of the Universe that is ever present, yet so often ignored. Set your alarm every hour, and stop for 3 minutes, to soak up the world around you. Immerse yourself in what is real, not what is in your head. Reconnect with nature, literally smell a flower; sit in the sun soaking up her shining rays; watch the rain fall on the ground; listen to the wind in the trees; observe others through loving eyes; listen to the sound of your breath; feel the expansion of your chest as you breath; sense the expansion of your heart with each beat; lightly place your fingers together and feel for the gentle movement of your energy body – it is an incredible thriving, living creation – and she is yours – so reconnect to her regularly during the day!

Pick one of these simple techniques – the one that works best for you – and practice for just 3 minutes every hour to be present with your SELF and the Divine energy of the Universe.

3. Let Go Of The ‘Angst’

Easier said than done, right? Well that is what we tell ourselves, but this is not true. It is easy to let go of the angst, you just have to choose to practice doing it. When you feel yourself start to become tense …. angsty or agitated; irritated or annoyed ….. or if your words take on an edge, a critical tone ….. or if your thought become judgemental or critical….. or if your actions become cruel or nasty …. the key is to catch yourself in that moment and then acknowledge the feeling; words; thoughts or behaviours.

Placing your fingers or hand on your forehead (as above), connecting with your energy body and set the intention to release this energy and replace it with a new energy.

New Emotion – how do you want to feel?

eg. I choose to feel calm and content.

New Thought – what belief or thought do you need to reframe into the positive?

eg. I am enough and all I do is enough.

New Words – how could you say this in a positive way?

eg. I appreciate how you are attempting to do that for me.

New Behaviours – how do you want to act in this situation?

eg. I engage with others when I feel stressed instead of pulling away.

The trick here, is catching yourself before the ‘angst’ energy grabs you and cycles you into a negative space that hijacks your entire day.

Such simple ways to transform your day.

Start today doing these 3 simple things and I assure you that you will begin your transformation.

First a moment in time; then transform your day; then transform your life; then transform you, returning you to your truth.

Back to who you really are.

Are you ready to transform?

Why Am I Here?

Soul Purpose.

Soul Purpose.

Soul Purpose.

WHAT’S MY SOUL PURPOSE?

I JUST WANT CLARITY ON MY SOUL PURPOSE!

I NEED TO UNDERSTAND MY SOUL PURPOSE!

I hear those words weekly from clients.

I read those words daily online.

I feel people constantly searching for their reason for being.

I’ve been exploring this concept for decades – both within and outside of myself.

Why Am I Here I pondered as a child looking deeply into the Universe as the moon and stars danced in the night sky.

Innately knowing there was more and curious as to what part I played in that.

Why Am I Here I mused with my best friend as we sat drunk on the beach watching the waves crash to shore and delving deeply into the meaning of life.

Having absolutely no bloody clue what is was all about, but doing a really good job of making the most of the experience – whatever it was meant to be.

Why Am I Here I desperately queried in my mid-twenties as I finished a second University degree.

Increasingly frustrated that despite all the hard work it still didn’t feel I had found my ‘thing’. You know, your thing!

Why Am I Here I laughed completely bemused at the ludicrous situation in which I found myself as I wondered through a massive brewery and manufacturing plant, which it seemed was my responsibility to ensure its safety.

Top of my industry; nailed the sought-after gig; scored the fancy income to reflect it – yet instantaneously realising, that this certainly was not why I was here.

But I did it anyway. Too proud to admit that I knew it wasn’t right and that I was so far off path it was not funny. Yikes that was an uncomfortable 5 years!

Ohhhhhhhhh….but what am I here?

The thoughts still plagued me as I moved through the motions of life, feeling that I was existing rather than truly living.

And then, as my baby girl was placed in my arms for the first time, I immediately remembered why I was here.

And oh my, how I was suddenly able to breathe knowing I had found my why and I allowed myself to fully immerse myself in my reason for being.

I was in love and I was happy and just like that my reason had appeared.

Yet sadly this reason seemed to disappear, gently fade away…….lost again.

Four years and another 2 babies later, I was brought to my knees and I once again I begged for the seemingly elusive answer to the question of all time, why am I here?

Dripping in guilt and shame, I finally admitted to myself, that my children were not my only reason to be here.

‘They should be enough. How can they not be enough? You’re a bad mother to think they are not enough’, my deeply programmed subconscious challenged and berated me.

Oh, the shame!

Oh, the guilt!

Oh, the internal emotional trauma.

I wasn’t happy. And in that space, nothing felt enough.

Distraught I needed to find Why Am I Here.

Now here is where I could say, well I stumbled into Kinesiology and remembered why I am here.

Maybe for a while I thought that I had found the perfect combination, Kinesiologist and Mother.  That combined they were my reason for being. They were my purpose.

But then the world seemed to tell me that as a mother I am not enough unless I’m doing X Y Z.

And then the world seemed to tell me that as a business woman I am not enough unless I’m doing X Y Z.

And then the world seemed to tell me that as a healer I am not enough unless I’m doing X Y Z.

And then I allow the world to take away my happiness as I allow myself to feel that I am not enough and that I haven’t nailed it at all. That I haven’t found my reason for being.

And then I get the courage to tell the world to shut the fxck up and I listen to something so much wiser than all these apparent worldly voices.

I listen to the truth that only my inner voice can speak. She knows me, she knows my inner world and she knows why I am here.

And I finally see it all.

And it’s so simple!

It’s not about who I am here or why I am here or what I do here or how I do it here.

It is about how I feel while I am here.

And if I am simply happy because I am doing things I love to do that make me feel happy, then my reason will appear.

So, in a round-about, yet insanely simple way, the reason why am I here is to be happy. Doing the things I love in life makes me happy. So do those. They are my reason.

And I know that my happiness, and my vibration when I am happy, has a more profound effect on the world than anything I could possibly do! My reason is to do that which I love so I can BE HAPPY.

Simple Einstein!

Just do what you love to do and allow yourself to be happy. Invite the vibration of happiness into your life daily, instead of all the other drama, negativity and BS.

And if there isn’t room for happiness in your life, and you think that this is an overly simplified view of life, then I invite you to test the waters. Just choose to be happy. Choose to do that which ou love. Life is too short to do what makes you unhappy, right?

And if you feel too stuck in your old stuff and you don’t think you have room for happiness, then I invite you to do your work; shift your stuff; release your emotional energy and exchange your lost, confused, empty experience for happiness…..and I assure you, that your reason for being will appear, just as mine has, just as so many of my clients have.