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Unravelling Fear: A Transformation From Survive to Thrive

Do you know that when you are feeling stressed, the primitive part of your brain takes over and prepares you to FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE? This amazing structure evolved to keep us safe in case a Lion, Tiger or Bear was about to attack us, way back when! But somewhere along the way, we have messed with this structure and it kind of gets ‘overworked’. Our perception of danger has gone all skew if, because we live in a society that values and in some respects, relies on fear!

We have become programmed to be fearful, always prepared for danger. When really, on most days in this blessed country in which we live, most of us can move through the day with little, if any real danger.

Yet our perception is quite different to this reality.

We fear what other people think of us;

We fear that if we try something we might fail;

We fear that we don’t have enough time to get everything done;

We fear we don’t have enough money;

We fear we will do, say or be wrong in the eyes of others;

We fear that we aren’t as good as other people;

We fear that we aren’t enough physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually (it is true that there are plenty of very ‘enlightened’ people who still compare themselves to other ‘enlightened’ people and fear they aren’t spiritual enough).

We Fear. We Fear. We Fear.

All this constant fear puts us in a state where many are constantly activating a stress response. The result of this is surges of adrenaline that in turn has significant effects on the physical, mental and emotional body.

When being attacked by our friendly Lion, Tiger or Bear, we really do need certain physical and mental functions – like running really fast and being able to breath properly – our system has to be on high alert, we need to be ON – you know that wired feeling, ready to bounce if and when we need too!

But to be ON in this way, the blood supply and energy flow must divert itself from other areas, so it can be used where it is needed most. For example, we don’t need to digest food when we are being attacked, nor do we need our reproductive system – it’s not the time or place people! What we do need is our Cardiorespiratory System (heart & lungs) and our Musculoskeletal System – we need an abundance of energy hitting those muscles to help us get away! It’s survival!

And in these situations, we also do not need certain parts of our brain. Our primitive brain (limbic system) is designed for these situations. ‘I’ve got this’ it wisely tells our Prefrontal Cortex (the part of the brain that is responsible for cognitive functioning) and so the blood and energy flow to that part of the brain switches off!


We must just SURVIVE!

And herein lies the problem!

Today, so many people are ruled by fear, which in turn makes us feel extremely uneasy in life, a feeling we commonly term anxiety. In this state of being, we cannot function optimally. We are functioning in a state of survival not in a state of thriving.

In survival mode, we cannot think clearly, we cannot reason, we cannot rationalise, we cannot problem solve, we cannot relate well with others, we cannot connect to ourselves. And when we are being attacked by a Lion, Tiger or Bear we don’t want to do any of those things.

But where not being attacked! We are so not being attacked!

And somehow we and our children have been programmed as if we are. The result being we all struggle through life. We move through life as if it is a battle, as if it is just about our survival – when it really is about so much more than that!

When I hear of children and teenagers who are trapped by fear and living their life in a state of stress and struggling each day just to survive, my heart breaks a little.

It does not have to be this way. We as parents, as mothers and fathers, have a responsibility to break this cycle, so that our children live without fear, so that they can function optimally – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

How do we do that?

There are just so many ways we can achieve this and no its not super easy, but it doesn’t mean we don’t do it. We put enough energy into lots of other ‘hard’ things in life, yet something like this often gets put on the backburner, because it feels way too hard to change. Sometimes it feels near impossible to de-program ourselves from the conditioning that our parents, teachers, friends, society, media, Government and Corporations have intentionally or unintentionally exposed us too.

The truth is, it is not too hard.

How can it be too hard?

It is your children’s wellbeing, their happiness, the fullness of their life experience at stake.

Call me naïve (you won’t be the first), but I see it as simple as unravelling the tangled knots in a necklace. While it may take time, the transformation CAN occur, we can change. Look at the magic that happens in nature every day, the most beautiful of transformations, that seem impossible but happen so naturally.

There are 5 key things that are needed to create the unravelling that will transform the fear conditioning of fear and return us to a place of love, peace and calm:

–          Clear Intention

–          Strong Commitment

–          Dedicated Focus

–          Patience to allow it to unravel at its own pace, and

–          Letting go and trusting that it will unfold in the exact way that it is suppose too


My intention is to help people unravel to come back to who they really are, which is not a person who is simply here on this earth to SURVIVE the experience.




My intention is to bring you back to who you really are at your core, the essence of your being, which is a person who is here to thrive and shine and make a difference in other people’s lives and in turn, make a difference in the world.

We aren’t all meant to be Albert Einstein; Isaac Newton; Marie Curie; Martin Luther King Jr; Mother Theresa; Oprah Winfrey etc. No, we are meant to be our SELF and through being that person, then we can live our life from a place of love, not from fear. And in this way, just by being that person, we can change the world in the most profound way.

Yes, I am passionate about this.

This is the way I do my little bit.

And I’m going to keep doing my little bit, because every little bit counts. And maybe it will become a big bit, just one piece at a time!

Every person I work with; every person who comes to one of my workshops; every person who reads my words or hears me speak…they can all unravel a little and in that unravelling they come closer to who they are, and they in turn can impact on those around them in the most beautiful way – and so the ripple continues.

You too can make a difference.

The first step is having the courage to step forward and say I am ready to change, I am ready to unravel, I am ready to come back to who I really am.

You can check out the different ways you can work with me here.

One of my upcoming workshops might just be your first step!

     Energy for Exams

Staying Calm, Confident and Clear Amidst the Chaos

This workshop is designed to help those young people preparing for their HSC exams to manage their energy so that they can function optimally. This means, helping them to understand where the fear, doubt and anxiety is coming from, how it is impacting on their ability to study and retain information and their performance in exams. I then teach these young people how to release those emotions, calm their energy body and direct energy to their mental body in such a way, that it can perform optimally – not shut down because it is constantly feeling under attack and needs to survive.

We want it to Thrive not just Survive.

For more information Energy For Exams


     Emotional Energy Reboot

A Workshop for Mothers

This workshop is designed to teach mothers how to stay calm, clear and confident amidst the chaos of daily family life. As mothers, we are fundamental in the conditioning that our children receive. If we operate from a place of fear – which can present as anger, anxiety, frustration, withdrawal, isolation, resentment and many other emotions, then our children learn to operate and live their life in this way.

Our neurology is comprised of Mirror Neurons. These fascinating little neurons are designed to absorb what is being shown to them, and then mirror it. While this is great when we are teaching a child how to eat with a spoon; how to write with a pencil; how to brush their teeth and wash their hands, but when we show them we react to life with fear; with anger; with blame; with resentment; frustration etc etc, then those mirror neurons, by simply doing their job, condition our children to mirror this energy; thoughts; emotions; behaviours.

If we can be Calm and Confident and Clear during those stressful moments of the day, we are giving our children the greatest gift imaginable. We are mirroring to them how to operate from a place of love not fear. And the more we practice, and yes it does take practice, because it is a re-learning of an old skill and in practicing we become more proficient, then the more we condition our children to live their life in this way.

When we remain calm and do not react from a place of fear, we do not go into survival mode and as a result we are able to utilise our pre-frontal cortex and make rational, reasonable decisions. When we exchange the emotion of anger for calm then we can thrive as a mother, instead of simply trying to manage ie. survive another day!

And when we stay calm. Our children stay calm.

When we live our life from a place of love not fear, our children learn to live from a place of love not fear.

This workshop is powerfully transformative and participants leave not only feeling fundamentally different within themselves and in their approach to motherhood, they also take away a toolkit full of resources to help them practice becoming the mother that they desire to be.

For more information Emotional Energy Reboot for Mothers

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A Message To The New Mum In The Café

I was recently sitting in a café and my heart broke a little.

Surrounding me, were my three little peeps, in various stages of drawing, reading, eating, arguing, fighting, whinging…..a pretty normal scene for any mother with a 9, 7 and 5-year-old.

My heart was not breaking because my kids where being, well kids. No my heart was breaking as I over-heard a conversation between a mother and daughter. The mother, was doting on her 6-month-old grandchild, who was looking ever so cute in a high-chair shoving bits of food into her mouth, giggling and being all sorts of adorable.

The daughter, looked exhausted. The daughter was lost, bewildered, disappointed, ashamed, inadequate, disheartened.

I know what this young woman was thinking because I ‘know’ stuff, particularly what people are feeling. I sense it. I feel it. Sometimes in my physical body. Sometimes as just a sense of energy / emotion overwhelming me. It is not uncommon in my treatment room, when working 1:1 with clients for my eyes to well with tears, my throat become constricted, my voice hoarse with emotion, my heart aching (I’m personally not a fan of this, as it often REALLY HURTS).

Is it weird?

A bit. But it is something that has developed gradually (with ease and grace….just the way I like it!) and therefore it is something that I have got quite use to. Sometimes I know my clients get a little weirded out, when I ask particular questions seemingly from nowhere, or start to weep a little or grab my chest because the intensity of the emotion is so painful. And while it’s a little intense at times, I have quite wisely been guided by mentors to create clear boundaries around when this ‘gift’ is on and when it is off, so to speak. And most of the time it works really well.

I go into my treatment room and start working with clients (face to face or via Skype) or into a workshop and start facilitating and it immediately gets switched ON. And when I leave those spaces, it is OFF. So when I’m in the school playground dropping off my kids or picking them up, I’m not feeling or knowing other mothers, teachers, children’s ‘stuff’. When I am with my friends, I’m just being a friend, when I’m with my family I’m just being the sister, daughter, aunty etc that I’ve always been.

The truth is, I don’t want to ‘know‘ or feel everyone’s stuff. I know other people who walk down the street and they are acutely aware of what complete strangers are feeling. To be honest, I don’t want this! It is far too overwhelming for me. And unless I can help them in some way, it is pointless me knowing and feeling their ‘stuff’.

And then there are days like the day, when sitting in the café, somehow I ended up deeply connected to the conversation at the table beside me.

Again truth be told, I would have much preferred to have read my book, chatted to my kids and enjoyed my coffee. Yet, the fact that I was so in-tune with the young mother adjacent to me, told me there was something I was to take from this experience. And so, I sat there acutely feeling the pain of this young mother. I could see she adored her baby girl, and that she found comfort in the fact that her own mother was engaging so heartedly with her daughter. And at the same time, I felt her shame.

Shame that she does not connect with her baby girl in THAT way. The way she dreamed she would. The way she believed all other mothers do.

‘No’, I wanted to gently tell her. ‘It’s not true you are not alone. Not all mothers have that deep connection to their baby. Most mothers struggle at some time or another.’

I glance at my babes around me. My babes, who are babes no more. And I remember those moments of struggle. I recall my own times of struggle these days.

Yet I KNOW that these moments pass.

They come. They go.

They are but moments in time, with emotions attached to them. And as the moment passes, so does the emotion. Well this is how it works for me now. But it wasn’t always this way.

I remember the days when the emotions all rolled into one.

I remember the days when the moments all rolled into one.

I remember the days when it felt like the struggle will never end. I previously wrote about that here.

And I want to reach out and tell her all of this because I sense the anguish and despair overwhelming her. I sense her fear. Fear that she is failing this whole mother thing. Fear that she is failing her daughter. Fear that she is just failing life and a rising panic because she doesn’t know how to change it.

And as she tells her mother about how she hadn’t slept for more than 30 minutes at a time for the last week, because her baby girl had been so unsettled, I can feel she is craving support. She is needing support. She is scared that she can’t do this alone, that she can’t hold it together much longer. I feel her shame again. Shame because she is getting angry with her baby girl. Yelling at her baby girl. Shame that she resents her baby girl for throwing her life into disarray.

And her mother misses it all. She doesn’t hear her. She doesn’t really hear her.

She misses her daughters silent shameful plea for support and instead unwittingly reinforces her own beliefs;

‘Oh, it’s normal, she’s just going through a stage.

It doesn’t get any easier you know.

It’s just being a mother.

It’s the hardest job in the world’.

It is these sort of beliefs about mothering, that end up creating so much stress for mothers. Beliefs that are passed down from well-meaning family members; friends and society in general. Combine this with the beliefs that are carried within the energy body from ancestors and past lives, then the programming can become deeply embedded and difficult to ignore. They contribute to the feelings of mothers being trapped in a vicious cycle. The vicious cycle of being a mother, that is so contrary to the one the social media world tells us is all ‘smelling roses’ and loved up moments. And this inconsistency creates huge feelings of inadequacy within mothers.

It is THIS reason I include teaching REFRAMING techniques in my Emotional Energy Reboot Workshop for Mums. Our thoughts moment to moment create our experiences. And when mothers have thoughts like these that are holding them in a negative space and continue to create further negative experiences, then any tool to bring them out of this is an essential for all mothers!

I like to think of thoughts as simple vibrations that we project out into the Universe. And according to the Law of Attraction, these thoughts, whether conscious or subconsciously held, attract the same vibration. I feel a real sense of concern when I think of mothers thinking ‘It doesn’t get any easier’ day after day. That must feel like a life sentence! And anyone who is thinking that it is not going to get any easier than no more than 30 minute stretches of sleep at a time, must feel like it is a life sentence of pure torture.

I found it so hard to sit there with this young woman’s feelings and knowing her struggle, yet feeling so powerless to help her. Over the last few years, I have learnt to create boundaries and I have learnt to respect others boundaries. It was not my place to help this young woman. But I know that I was in this situation and feeling it so intensely so that I would be reminded of the importance of creating workshops and tools to help other mothers who are finding the whole experience a bit – or a lot, tough!

As I left the café and walked past this young woman, with my three little peeps in toe, I couldn’t help but gently place my hand on her shoulder and tell her that ‘it does get easier and I think you are amazing.’

It was nothing but maybe it could be enough.

Enough to break the limiting thoughts.

Enough to break the emotion cycle.

Enough to break a moment in time.

Enough to plant a seed.

Enough to create hope.

My next Emotional Energy Reboot Workshop for mums is on Saturday May 20, find all details here. It’s my way of helping other mums navigate motherhood with more calm, confidence and connectedness.

And for any mother reading this, I just have to tell you a few things, and I want you to repeat these to yourself daily – all day every day if you need too!

You are amazing (I am amazing)

You are valued (I am valued)

You are important (I am important)

You are loved (I am loved)

You are an extraordinary mother (I am an extraordinary mother)

You are getting it right (I am getting it right)

You are heard (I am heard)

You are seen (I am seen)

You can do this (I can do this)

You have got this (I have got this)

You are not alone (I am not alone)

I love, honour and respect myself exactly as I am.

Here’s a printable copy just for you!

Daily Affirmation for Mothers

If you would like some more Affirmations to help you through your day, make sure to subscribe to my mailing list for a free set of Affirmation Cards (your sign up is right at the bottom of this page).



Do You Have Faith?

As George Michael famously sang ‘You’ve Gotta Have Faith’.

When we embark on a journey into our ‘Self’, of healing, of growing, of changing – we require enormous amounts of Faith.

Faith to take that first step.

Faith to step into the unknown.

Faith that even if you fall you will be ok.

Faith that if you fall, you will get back up.

Faith that you will learn what you needed to from falling.

Faith that if you go off track, you will be guided back again.

Faith that the path you are following is taking you in the right direction.

Faith that even though you don’t know where you are going it will all work out in the end.

Faith that, it does in fact, all work out in the end.

That’s a whole lot of faith you are being called to muster before taking that first step.

Faith and Trust.

Two of my biggest challenges a few years ago and now my two greatest allies – I don’t go a day without them by my side!

And you know what, being aligned with having faith and letting go and trusting, simply makes life SO MUCH EASIER to navigate!

Is it time for you to change your path?

In Health?

In Love?

In Money?

In Relationships?

In Parenting?

In Work?

In Business?

Clearing whatever is blocking you from ‘seeing’ your new path and what is stopping you from taking your first step is essential in creating change in your life. Next step is aligning yourself with faith and trust to enable you to transform with so much more ease and grace!

Do not go where your path SHOULD lead! No, instead go where there is no path and courageously create a new one – having faith as you take each new step (trust me – once you overcome the fear, the not knowing is so exhilarating!)